I Am That I Am Not — The Journey of Becomings (K015)

"I am — that." Yes — and that's the sign to your dwelling. This drive, quest for asserting subject identification, has consumed the civilization since the beginning of time.

Ancient Hebrews, Moses in the desert pondering, what does it mean? He says, "Ehyeh asher ehyeh", "I am that I am", or perhaps "I become that I become", and so on.

Or of the Vedic seers, "Tat Tvam Asi Svetaketu", "Thou art that", whatever that the "that" may be. Let's take a moment to unpack all of this. What are the possibilities? And what are the downfalls?

Am I: Emptiness, Fullness, Radiance, Knowledge? ¶

Let's take the journey backwards, from the roots up-a-top down.

— I am the infinite void. I am absolute emptiness, shunyata, whatever. Now, how is that even technically possible? You cannot possibly be that which is void of any contents. So, scratch that off the list.

— I am the opposite of that. I am the absolute Monad, the great fullness and oneness of all things. Really? Are you really that? Let's take a level down.

— I am the light, the radiance of the witness, the creative force. Well, you may touch upon that field once in a while, on a lucky day, but you're definitely not that. Also, it happens to be a non-diversified radiance, so you cannot also possibly actually be that.

Well, if we need plurality for identity, then — I am the world logos, the sum total of all patterns of creation. The knowledge absolute of all things. Well, let's take a couple of samplers of that absolute knowledge. Do you have all the data? Perhaps you do not. So, chances are, you are not that either. You may also touch upon that realm, but it does not look like you are that either.

Am I: The Human Frames of Evolution ¶

Then, let's take the elevator back to earth, into our human incarnation, and all the subject personas we assume in our different framings.

— The newborn baby, disoriented, once upon a time you were that. Perhaps you were a restless dog once upon a time, entertaining all of us with the barks.

— I am the seer, the observer, even the visionary. Yes, you are that when there's something to see, and beyond that, you are not that.

— I am the intuit, the empath, the poet, the artist in tune with the flow of nature. It's when the nature flows and emotions happen, then you are that, and when it ceases, then you are not that.

— I am the dreamer, I am the seeker. Again, subject to your environment and to the impressions that may lead you to seek something, to aspire for something. When those are gone, you are not that.

— I'm the one who stands my ground. I know what I'm doing. I am determination itself. If there is a meaningful objective that needs to be rooted, perhaps you are that for the time being. And beyond that:

— I am the worker, the transformer. I am the changer of the world, a working class hero, or perhaps a master analyst. Again, when there are works to be done, when there are systems to be analyzed, you are that. And in their absence, you are not that.

— Then I am the mystic integrator. I am the deep field visionary, traveling worlds within me. Perhaps for a time you are that too, in your deep hallucinations, but that too is not forever.

— Neither is your state of reconciliation, alignment and consummation. You may, for a time, play the superhuman, the ubermensch or the messiah, but that too needs its outlet, needs its context, and is a tale that gets stale and old in its time.

Am I: The Fundamental Elements — Or Am Not? ¶

All of these identities change, from the lower human realm to the highest spheres. None of that is permanent. So what exactly are you? What are we?

— Perhaps I am earth, steady of integrity, the structure of all things. — Perhaps I am the sky, pervader, the meanings of all things. — Perhaps I am always in the flow, the streamer, or — I am the flame, the courageous defender. Even one of the angels looking after these sorts of phenomena. These too come and go.

So what remains? At the end of the day, "I am that I am not". None of this really, whatever that becomes. This blip of a persona with a constellation of capacities engages in a constant process of reflection, internally and externally, whatever the day's display.

Am I that? If you say so, then for you I am that. But as to me, it keeps on changing. I cannot really pin it down. So not really any of that. And beyond that, it's a futile quest to try to pin it all down, when there is nothing that you can really pin down.

Just deal with it, learn to live with it, and much more ease comes to your life. And things, as it happens, flow better, engage better, have greater meaning, and hold together better. When you stop asserting a particular role into all of it.

Just get out of the way and play the game. It's going to be all right. There.